Sing the hits of Lady Antebellum. Lady Antebellum is the Mount Everest of nothingness. What if we tried slowing mediocrity down? Weirdly, the song gave Janelle neither the chance to exhibit her nervy stage presence or even the opportunity to thrill us with poignant notes.
It was just Beige: The Experience. I famously believe Alicia Keys is the nadir of hip-hop soul, the most Hallmark-brand songwriter of the past 10 years, and possibly the murderer of Blu Cantrell.
Blu, come back to us! First of all: The only worship leader I know is my copy of Ray of Light. Secondly, though Cristabel does have an interesting, even provocative croak in her voice, I felt her performance hinged on that gimmick rather than benefited from it.
I wish Alicia Keys would try croaking too, namean? I will say this: It was a brilliant song choice. It is so everything Zoanette is, a cartoonishly grandiose feral circus.
Righteous and ridiculous. Wrong and more wrong. And the leopard-print frock she wore for her performance was a clever smattering of camp. Just not even close to a legitimate instrument, her voice, because she has no ability to work with it.
But can she do anything else but Big Bad Wolf every song in her path? Because this shtick will probably get tired. In the meantime, it is freakish and unforgivable, but not lame.
This started out wonderfully. Truly never. But when the chorus kicked in, a loungey vibe took over and Jett receded back into her own anonymity.
Still though: a stunning start! I thought this was a progressive move for Ms. Hale, whose sweet, but stark tone remains underrated in the competition. Unlike Janelle Arthur or Paul Jolley, Rachel saw the Sudden Death round as a place to establish her range and ability to surprise us, and it needed to be rewarded. Can you guess what happened? Trite, dumb nothingness. See what I mean. First of all: That is some dress.
Secondly, what a fine performance! Breanna clearly picked this song because it was stankalicious and naughty, not because it was an obvious forum for pageantry and easy emoting.
Ahem, Cristabel. Surely we just witnessed the robbery of the season. I cannot believe this was her last performance. So why did I just watch 'Circle of Life' five times?
And hey, the producers needed there to be a reason for you to tweet at them during the show about how much you disagreed with the judges. So everyone wins! Except most fans. I relish any reminder to go ahead and re-watch The Lion King on YouTube as part of my job, so I found the whole Zoanette thing very funny. Of course, I have to. Jett Hermano — This I find to be a real shame. No worries, though! The judges would never steer us wrong. Juliana Chahayed — I loved where she was going, or better yet, where she will go in the future with her breathless, baby-soft re-imagining of popular music.
She even had a freaking gap tooth! But oh well. If you focused really hard on trying to figure out which year her bizarre outfit purple leggings, leather bike shorts, print blouse was from , you could avoid cringing at the off-pitch vocals and awkward dance moves. And so I will wonder forever! That is all that really matters. Rachel outsang and perhaps more importantly? Aubrey Cleland — Well hello, heavenly creature.
Most excellent. She has a lovely, unassuming stage presence and a face expressly created for an album-cover closeup. Did you see that exquisitely placed off-center forehead mole?
Well done, God. Breanna Steer — What?! Not another one! I sort of hope she has an attitude! Too many sickly sweet girls here so far. I ask again: What is this, The X Factor? Keep it in your pants, Minaj. At least for now.
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